5,000-year-old brewery discovered in China

(CNN)An archeological find in China may be the first evidence that beer was an important product in China many years before the experts originally thought. It may have even inspired the development of a sophisticated society.

Archeologists from Stanford University unearthed what they think is an ancient brewery at the Mijiaya site in China’s Shaanxi province. Their findings were published in the latest edition of PNAS.
    The team found two subterranean pits with beer-making equipment that included funnels, pots and amphorae holding the residue of what probably was 5,000-year-old beer.
    “The shapes and styles of the vessels show stylistic similarities to the brewing equipment in the historical period and modern ethnographic records,” said study co-author Jiajing Wang.
    The archeologists believe the pits would have acted like an ancient cooler, helping in the beer-making process and with storage.

    Bottle

      JUST WATCHED

      Bottle from 1800s found … with beer still inside

    MUST WATCH

    Archeologists have found evidence of 11,000-year-old brewing troughs at Gobekli Tepe in Turkey.
    Beer was also the national drink in Mesopotamia and Egypt, according to research from Xavier University theologist Michael Homan. You could get paid in beer or pay for your bride with it. It was used as medicine and as a cosmetic.
    There are ancient gods dedicated to beer, like the Sumerian goddess Ninkasi, who has her own drinking hymn. Temples kept their own brewers on the payroll.
    Even the modern God (i.e. Yahweh), was believed to have a sizable drinking habit. The ancients were encouraged to offer it as a daily libation as is mentioned in the Hebrew Bible, Numbers 28: 7-10.

    The benefits of beer

    Beer in the ancient world was used much like it is now, as a kind of social lubricant. (“Hey, handsome ancient Sumarian stonecutter, let me buy you a beer. You come here often?”). Beer has also been found in paintings at ancient brothels.
    But it also served in a more important everyday role: Beer was a much safer alternative to drinking water in the pre-Brita-filter era. The alcohol killed many of the microorganisms you’d find in your local watering hole.
    In this study, the authors suggest that beer drinking, often a habit we associate more with frat parties than with sophisticated ftes, may have actually spawned a social complexity not seen in Chinese culture previously.

    See the latest news and share your comments with CNN Health on Facebook and Twitter.

    Public buildings from that time period suggest a kind of hierarchy in the culture. It may have had an elite class that engaged in a kind of competitive feasting and drinking.
    Beer, the researchers argue, “may have contributed to the emergence of hierarchical societies.” In other words, it may have been one of the driving forces behind the development of sophisticated cultures in an area known as the cradle of Chinese civilization.
    The development of beer bellies, however, is probably a more modern phenomenon.

    Source: http://allofbeer.com/5000-year-old-brewery-discovered-in-china/

    Advertisements

    The absolute best sports bars in America

    Delicious food, great drinks and the ultimate sports viewing experience at Michael Mina’s Bourbon Pub in Santa Clara, Calif. (Mina Group)

    Whether it’s basketball, baseball, ice hockey or football, some sporting events require more than just a bag of chips and big screen in your living room they’re meant to be experienced on a grander, more social scale. 

    For diehard sports fans who want a true taste of the action, Gayot has rounded up the best sports bars to watch the game while enjoying good grub and fun times.

    Bourbon Pub
    Santa Clara, CA
    Michael Mina’s Bourbon Pub at Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara is casual, boisterous and filled with energy and football stadium-appropriate fare. The central bar and video screens galore reinforce the sports bar ethos, but the food and décor move beyond it. Nachos are a sumptuous mess of beans, cheese, salsa and a soft egg stacked among full-size baked tortillas into a tower that is broken tableside with a mezzaluna.

    Houndstooth Pub
    New York, NY

    This Irish-influenced gastropub boasts all the familiar trappings of an American sports bar. The loud space is frequented by neighborhood office workers, tourist spillover from Times Square, and commuters waiting to catch their train at Penn Station. The Gorgonzola-topped Black Angus grass-fed burger and Guinness-laced baby-back ribs are menu standouts.

    Jerry Remy’s Sports Bar & Grill
    Boston, MA

    Source: http://allofbeer.com/the-absolute-best-sports-bars-in-america/

    Mila Kunis And Ashton Kutcher Welcome Baby No. 2

    Mila Kunis gave birth to a baby boy on Wednesday, a rep confirmed to The Huffington Post. His name has not yet been released.

    This is the actress’ second child with her husband and former “That ‘70s Show” co-star, Ashton Kutcher. The couple, who have been married since July 2015, also have a daughter, Wyatt Isabelle, born in October 2014. 

    In early October, Kutcher accidentally shared the sex of his second child during an interview on “The Today Show” as he told a story about his daughter.

    “She points to Mila and she’s like, ‘baby brother,’ when she points to the belly,” Kutcher said. “And then she points to Dad and she goes, ‘beer,’ so I think she gets there’s something in the belly, but I don’t quite think that she knows that it’s not going to be a plastic doll yet.”

    Now she knows. And, since Kutcher is also on record stating he wants “like 12” kids, we can hope Wyatt and her brother might have a couple more siblings down the road, too.

    Source: http://allofbeer.com/mila-kunis-and-ashton-kutcher-welcome-baby-no-2/

    6 Bands That Totally Reinvented Themselves To Get Famous

    For many people, musical genres are personality-defining lines that can never be crossed. For instance, cool people listen to thrash metal, but anyone who listens to speed metal has their former dungeon master’s head in a freezer. Sometimes it gets complicated, like how emo music is for crying into your diary, while gothic rock is for crying into your cupcake.

    However, many genre-defining artists started out playing the exact kind of music their fans are required by social law to loathe. For example …

    #6. Kid Rock Was A Hilarious ’90s Rapper

    In the popular consciousness, there have already been two versions of Kid Rock. There is the current Kid Rock, who sings country-rock anthems, and there’s the more popular rap-rock/nu-metal Kid Rock of the late ’90s. He has a personality easily summed up by reminding you he’s a man from Michigan who loves the Confederate flag.

    “And if black people don’t like it, they can continue to have very little interest in my music!”

    The Artist He Was Before That:

    We really should just stop the article here.

    In the late ’80s and early ’90s, Kid Rock was the funkiest, flyest rapper all the way to the extreme. Admittedly, it was an awkward time for everyone, but Kid Rock’s head looked like a racist Halloween costume. He looked like a Disney film about two boys swapping bodies after a magic basketball bounced into a magic chess tournament.

    In Hell, this album art is downloaded for every song in your iTunes.

    But Kid Rock’s early stuff wasn’t some trashy chimera of country, rock, and hip-hop. He was trying for the real deal, with songs like “Wax The Booty,” a description of an erotic encounter that seems like it was written by a virgin and performed by an aging sea captain selling breakfast cereal.

    Using the term “puddy” for female genitals? Definitely a virgin.

    With little to no encouragement, Kid Rock continued to make rap songs like this for seven years. His musical career was already a decade old when he released his breakthrough hit “Bawitdaba,” which was accidentally written when he tried to spell “badminton instructor” on a job application. That song and album blew up, and Kid Rock’s incredible flat top was never seen again.

    If it seems like Kid Rock was adopting culture that wasn’t his, it’s because he was. He wasn’t learning how to rhyme on the tough-rhyming Detroit streets like Eminem. Kid Rock grew up in a beautiful suburb in a nice house. So this guy ..

    … and this guy …

    … and this guy …

    … all come from the same upper-middle-class childhood spent in one of Michigan’s loveliest homes. His childhood job of selling apples from his father’s orchard sounds like a scene from a Norman Rockwell painting. So he’s gone from rich suburbanite to street rapper to hillbilly rapper to just regular hillbilly. At this rate, Kid Rock should be performing as a Syrian refugee as early as next year.

    #5. Radiohead Were A Cheesy Top 40 Band

    Radiohead helped define the term “alternative rock” by continually pushing the boundaries of popular music and being forever played by lonely men with acoustic guitars on open mic nights in coffee shops around the globe.

    Just because they dismissed “Creep” as juvenile and stupid decades ago
    doesn’t mean the rest of the universe has to.

    They are known for their creative risks and their ability to redefine themselves, even after decades. Albums like OK Computer helped drive mid-’90s music away from traditional pop structure, and Rolling Stone named Radiohead’s Kid A the best album of the 2000s. It should tell you something about Radiohead’s talent and influence when here, in an article making fun of artists trying to redefine themselves, we are praising their ability to redefine themselves. Frontman Thom Yorke even has the courage to spell the name “Tom” with an H.

    The Artists They Were Before That:

    Radiohead started with the name On A Friday, which they were forced to change immediately after being signed by EMI, presumably because on a scale of band names from Hoobastank to Sex Pistols, On A Friday rates a firm Toad The Wet Sprocket.

    “We’re On A Friday, because my mum only allows us to use the garage on Fridays
    while she’s at the gym!”

    It wasn’t only their shitty name, though. Their early music was the exact opposite of “alternative.” It was generic Britpop that sounded like a sloppy karaoke version of U2.

    They presumably wrote “How To Disappear Completely” after being reminded that they made this.

    Instead of a calculated effort to evolve, On A Friday was locked in a desperate struggle to sound exactly like everyone else. And the transition from “dumb high school band that thinks it’s clever” to “genius new artist” wasn’t an immediate one, either — the band’s first album as Radiohead was titled Pablo Honey, which is the name of a goddamn Jerky Boys bit.

    #4. The Songwriter Behind Taylor Swift And Katy Perry Started In A Ridiculous Hair Metal Band

    You may not remember how you know Max Martin’s name, but he’s the man behind dozens of the most overplayed pop songs from the past 25 years. He was responsible for Katy Perry’s “I Kissed A Girl,” Britney Spears’ “Baby One More Time,” and Taylor Swift’s “Bad Blood.” In fact, that last one was his 20th No. 1 single, meaning — except for Paul McCartney and John Lennon — Martin has more No. 1 singles than anyone who has ever lived.

    On top of his three Billy Ray Cyrus lookalike contest trophies.

    The Artist He Was Before That:

    Before Martin was a hitmaking superproducer, he was a high school dropout named Martin White, which, confusingly, also wasn’t his real name. Karl “Max (Martin White) Martin” Sandberg started a group in the late ’80s called It’s Alive. It’s Alive combined glam metal with grunge in a way that provoked one of two reactions from everyone who ever heard them: “This sucks,” or, “Who?”

    “We want the most adorable album cover of all time.”

    Somehow, It’s Alive managed to record two whole albums, and their sophomore effort, 1993’s Earthquake Visions, sold only 30,000 copies. More people picked up Bret Michaels’ herpes than It’s Alive albums that year. It was apparent the group wasn’t destined for international superstardom, but it did link Martin with producer Denniz Pop (also not that guy’s real name).

    Their moms must be wondering why they even bothered
    to fill out the birth certificate at all.

    Pop heroically saw through all the feathered-hair bullshit of It’s Alive enough to notice that Martin had an incredible ear for catchy melodies, so he put Martin in the studio without the rest of his dipshit bandmates. Martin was trained in pelvic thrusts and nothing else, so he spent his first two years in the studio just “trying to learn what the hell was going on.” He definitely got the hang of it, though. From every one of Taylor Swift’s No. 1 hits to writing every hit single on the Backstreet Boys’ Millennium, Martin knew how to create songs tailor-made to get stuck in millions and millions of heads. So, now you know who to thank for “Blank Space.”

    #3. The Go-Go’s Were A Hardcore Punk Band

    The Go-Go’s are the most successful all-female group ever, a fact stated definitively on the band’s own website. Their dancey songs about having the beat and going on vacation saturated pop culture in the 1980s, and they’re still used today to detect the number of bachelorette parties inside karaoke bars. If evil scientists found a way to turn liquid cheerleaders into music, it would sound exactly like The Go-Go’s. Now that we mention it, it would sound suspiciously exactly like that.

    What are you hiding?

    The Artists They Were Before That:

    If you clicked the song link above or just have a perfect memory, you may have noticed “We Got The Beat” opens with weirdly pounding drums and staccato guitar sounds. It’s kind of punk rock for a song about clapping and loving to clap, right? That’s because The Go-Go’s actually started as a grimy, fuck-you-in-your-face punk rock band.

    The only beat they cared about was beating on any promoters that stiffed them.

    The group started in the L.A. punk scene of the late ’70s alongside other seminal punk acts like The Motels and The Germs.

    “What makes you think you can just come into The Bronx Upside Downsies turf, Warriors?”

    In fact, The Go-Go’s lead singer, Belinda Carlisle, actually started out as the drummer for The Germs. She called herself Dottie Danger while with the group, but ditched The Germs after catching mono, because Belinda apparently doesn’t appreciate willful strokes of cosmic irony.

    “I feel really sick. The Germs isn’t just a cute name, is it?”

    That’s Belinda wearing the bloody swastika, making the exact face she would make if she saw her future self walk into the club.

    “Ahoy, fellow Nazis! Fuck the establishment, right?”

    #2. Kraftwerk Were A Terrible Jam Band

    Kraftwerk are the godfathers of electronic music. They were the first popular band to utilize nothing but electronic instruments to create songs full of driving, repetitive bleeps, like a Nintendo game you can dance to. Basically, they’re the nerds who made robot sounds into a legitimate musical genre.

    When not attempting to exterminate all of humanity, Skynet loves to get funky funky fresh.

    The Artists They Were Before That:

    Before they switched their sound to C-3PO translating funk for R2-D2, Kraftwerk were a psychedelic jam band. You really, really couldn’t dance to it. It was like a pile of sound an art major would make to start a conversation about what music, like, is, man. It was a sonic port-o-john of flutes, guitars, and random sound effects, with all the focus of a frightened cat scrambling over a piano. Even libraries in the early ’70s categorized it under “Bullshit, Hippie.”

    “Oh yeah? Well, your grandpappy’s hippie bullshit didn’t have a traffic-cone solo!”

    Founding members Ralf Hutter and Florian Schneider were initially interested in creating free-form experimental rock, and that’s what they did, clonking and flooping for several years. Kraftwerk’s music seemed designed specifically for LSD trips and advanced LSD trips, until 1974, when they released Autobahn and defined the electronica genre of robomusic. Apparently, even robots have to go through an angsty phase before they come into their own.

    Even the guys in Phish wanted them to get to the fucking point already.

    #1. Ministry Started Out As A Synth-Pop Knockoff Of The Cure

    Since the mid-’80s, Chicago-based Ministry have been helping angry teens demonstrate their misunderstoodedness, with aggressive heavy metal far too noisy for their parents. Their scrotum-kicking sound includes albums like The Land Of Rape And Honey, which is both an awful pun and a terrible sentiment, and From Beer To Eternity, which is only an awful pun.

    They clearly didn’t have time for anything more.

    Ministry helped elevate its downtrodden fans with powerful lyrics, letting them know that someone out there understood what it was like to have no one understand you. For instance, here is a selection from their song “Filth Pig”:

    Filth pig, filth pig
    He sleeps with both eyes open
    Filth pig, filth pig
    He sleeps all right because he’s a
    Filth pig

    It’s not clear if this was translated into Pig and then back to English, or if this is the first song pieced together from the dying words of stroke victims. The point is, the music of Ministry is better suited for random ax slaughter than slow-dancing.

    The Artists They Were Before That:

    Ministry started off the 1980s as a new-wave synth-pop outfit. And we don’t mean a little bit ’80s, like every other band at the time. They looked like a Broadway musical about the ’80s.

    “Filth pig’s sleeping or something. Psh. Whatever.”

    In 1983, Ministry released their first album, With Sympathy, and it was like a greatest hits compilation of every song Joy Division decided was too shitty to record. To put it another way, it’s exactly the soundtrack you hear in your head when you quote Nietzsche to some clueless sheep — dark synth-pop about impotent despair. And lead singer Al Jourgensen performed the entire album with a fake British accent. It’s the official soundtrack for avoiding gym class because it makes your mascara run. A conformist like you just wouldn’t get it, man.

    CSI: Gothika

    After the band went more industrial and metal, Jourgensen claimed he was pressured by management into making With Sympathy into the fussy wusspop it was, and he seemed determined to keep it out of print. He even claimed to have destroyed the master copies, yet the album was eventually reissued in 2012. It definitely doesn’t have much in common with their modern sound, but Ministry music from any era is always the perfect way to tell a hitchhiker this is the last van ride they’ll ever take.

    Source: http://allofbeer.com/6-bands-that-totally-reinvented-themselves-to-get-famous/

    I Teach At A For-Profit College: 5 Ridiculous Realities

    For-profit colleges, aka colleges that operate for a profit, aka the only schools that buy pop-up ads, are a $30 billion industry, with millions of students nationwide. But much like that guy in high school with the bitchin’ mullet and radical IROC, just because they’re popular doesn’t mean they have the best reputation. We wanted to know how accurate that rep really is, so we sat down with “Stephen,” a former professor at one such college in Ohio. He told us …

    5

    There Is Zero Teaching Experience Required To Be A “Professor”

    andresrimaging/iStock/Getty Images

    Most teachers come equipped with a boxful of degrees, permits, certifications, and other fancy framed papers to confirm they’re trained educators and not, say, urine-soaked knife-wielding hobos. Not so with Steve’s school: “At my campus, I’d say that nine out of every ten professors don’t have an educational background.”

    AndreyPopov/iStock/Getty Images
    “Hey Dave, drop what you’re doing. We need someone for Marketing 401.”

    He was sure to point out that sometimes this led to great teachers, like the former hotel manager who became a professor of Hospitality Management: “He was honest about complaints, nipping lice infestations in the bud, and tons of other terrible things normal HM classes barely cover.” But that’s not a universal truth.

    “Like, they may be an accountant during the day, but they moonlight teaching that at schools like mine … those teachers could be really good … But most had no idea how to teach. I sat in on a class going through economics, and … the ‘professor’s’ laptop gave the blue screen of death. He was a nice guy in his late 20s, and he immediately panicked.” Since the students were paying dearly for that professor’s time, they kept right on asking questions, like “What’s the difference between macro and micro economics?” Steve recalled, “He had a deer in the headlights look and he froze for 15 seconds. Finally, he said ‘Macro is big economies and Micro is individual economies. Like Bill Gates’ economy.’”

    kasto80/iStock/Getty Images
    “Hold on, Wikipedia’s gone down.”

    Those of you who know a little bit about economics might recognize that as complete fucking gibberish. Eventually, Steve and another teacher listening in had to call him out on his bullshit and give the class some proper answers, but, “When we gave the right definitions and answers to everything, he defended his answers as being correct. He was fired the next day.”

    Jonathan Ross/Hemera/Getty Images
    Those who teach, can’t.

    Once he’d started telling shitty teacher stories, Steve couldn’t stop. He told us about an accounting teacher in his 70s who told students “any math you couldn’t do by hand wasn’t worth teaching.” Another particularly enterprising educator gave out a two-week assignment to “have his students do his and his family’s taxes, giving bonus points to the ones who had found the way to have them owe the least.” Steve added, “He lasted three semesters.”

    4

    They Target Poor Minority Students And Con Them Into Taking Loans

    Jacob Ammentorp Lund/iStock/Getty Images

    For-profit colleges promise students who didn’t do well in high school a chance at a real college degree for far less than fancy university prices. And since everyone gets in, your past doesn’t matter. ITT Tech will take any breathing human being who applies. It’s like the Little League of higher education, minus the Capri Sun at the end of every session.

    These colleges sell themselves as a “way out” of poverty and desperation to people who are poor and directionless. Ninety-six percent of ALL for-profit students take out loans, compared to 57 percent of those at normal public college. And while the average college student only has an 8 percent chance of defaulting on their loan in the first few years, for-profit students have a 25 percent chance.

    It should come as no surprise that investigations have shown that many for-profits do in fact target low-income people who can’t pay. These people are often minorities. One investigation turned up the training manual for recruiters at the for-profit college Vatterott, including a list of ideal types of people to recruit:

    Leadership Conference on Human Rights
    – Has To Use Library’s Internet To Fill Out Application
    – Thought They Saw A Ghost One Time
    – Can’t Find Phoenix On A Map

    Steve noticed the same thing at his school: “Most of my students made minimum wage, and over half were black. Every one of my students had a loan, and it’s all they ever talked about. Some felt strong-armed into them, but some wanted them. They lived off of them. They wanted the loans as another source of income because they couldn’t make ends meet with their regular jobs. They took a few classes to keep up appearances, but I would always know why they were really there. Every college has these students, but at my college, I had several in every class I taught. I never knew what happened to them after the semester and they were 20 or 40 grand in debt. Many struggled to make ends meet, and the college offered an easy way to get loans. What did you think was going to happen?”

    AndreyPopov/iStock/Getty Images
    “Thanks for the mortgage payment.”

    For-profit universities vastly prefer loans — and the long-term, interest-bearing income they generate — to straight cash payments. So much so that they often don’t take cash: “One student in particular told me that she had $20,000 from an inheritance in cash, but ran into roadblocks everywhere. My college wouldn’t accept cash, so she tried a check. They told her they couldn’t, since they had too many issues with bounced checks. She then tried paying online in full, but she was told she shouldn’t because ‘What if you decide to drop a class? Would you still want to pay for it?’ She then tried monthly payments, but she was informed she was too late to sign up. She could only take a loan.”

    Digital Vision./DigitalVision/Getty
    It’s usually a red flag when a business won’t let you purchase their one product.

    Schools like the University of Phoenix depend on student loans to survive. In fact, the latter actively instructs their “Phoenixes” to borrow the max amount. And how could that possibly backfire? For-profit universities are one of the major causes of the current student loan debt crisis. So if you’re a New Yorker who had your daily commute fucked up by Occupy Wall Street, you can blame like half of that on the Participation Trophy of colleges.

    3

    They Cost More To Attend Than Conventional Universities

    moodboard/moodboard/Getty Images

    For-profit colleges advertise themselves as much more affordable than traditional universities. According to the ads, a for-profit college is the Costco of higher education: great quality without any unnecessary frills, for the budget-conscious consumer.


    “‘Scholarship?’ It’s just a discount.”

    Why, you save so much money on these programs that it’d be almost insane to get your degree anywhere else.


    “Our scam is cheaper than their scam!”

    Surprise! That’s all crap. These schools are filled with more hidden fees than a bank run by ninjas. Here’s Steve: “A close family member was deciding on a cheap starter college. She was looking at my college and Cincinnati State. Honestly, I just started at my school and I didn’t know what the full cost was. I asked and got a quote for $9,000 a semester … When I gave her the written quote, she looked right back up and said, ‘I could get a degree from Cincinnati State for that much.’ I was floored.”

    Two years at a community college costs, on average, $8,300. Four years at a state college? $52,000. But at a for-profit, that Associate’s Degree is now $35,000. The Bachelors? $63,000. It’s like deciding to eat out at Olive Garden instead of that fancy French restaurant, only to discover that the bread sticks are the price of a used Toyota.

    bhofack2/iStock/Getty Images
    “Considering they are unlimited, you can’t afford not to.”

    Steve explained: “All normal colleges show how much a semester is, or give a price by class. At ours, they made it look cheap by giving price for each credit hour. [Note: They still do.] So many of my students were suckered in this way. They saw the $550 cost per hour … and they assumed that meant $550 per credit.”

    Oops! Silly desperate students seeking to better their lives. You assumed “for-profit college” meant something besides “a shell game in which you gamble your paycheck for decades to come.”

    Michael Blann/DigitalVision/Getty
    As least Vegas gives you drink and food comps when you do it.

    2

    A Degree All But Guarantees You WON’T Get A Job

    rilueda/iStock/Getty Images

    All for-profit colleges essentially promise you your dream job, falling just short of issuing IOUs for personal oral sex bots upon graduation. The word of the day, kids, is “bullshit.” It was revealed last year that the $75,000 three-year criminal justice degree offered by Westwood College comes with a 3.8 percent job placement rate. And most of those “jobs” are as some sort of security guard, aka the job literally any breathing human can get.

    A school like the recently shut down Heald College, or DeVry, can famously claim 90-percent-plus job placement rates, which sounds super impressive … if you don’t know that the FTC is currently suing them for classifying a business major getting hired as a waiter to be an “in-field” placement. Or counting a job at Taco Bell as successful placement. Steve gave a shit about his students and did his best to prepare them for careers as accountants, “but most didn’t become accountants. We had to go off of curriculum, and while many of us got through that as fast as we could with our students to tell them what they really needed to know, we often didn’t have time.”

    Rawpixel Ltd/iStock/Getty Images
    “Welcome to Money Management 101. Lesson 1: You shouldn’t have taken this class.”

    Steve explained how his college practically went out of its way to make their courses useless: “Normal colleges give you a mix of course work, field work, and other assignments, slowly making it more and more real world. Once you get the basics, you learn the programs, you see what employers want, and you expand your knowledge. For-profits are like standardized tests. You get the basics, but almost none of it can be applied once in the real world.”

    Pinkypills/iStock/Getty Images
    “And that about covers the basics of being a barista.”

    The evidence shows that graduates from for-profits make less and are less happy about their prospects than those from larger colleges. This jives with Steve’s experiences: “I’ve met several graduates, and nearly all didn’t get the jobs they wanted. A few thought they were going to be teachers in a few years, and I found them working as subs. One student who said he wanted to run a hotel I met by chance at a hotel in Columbus, where he was only a part-time assistant manager at a Microtel [and] taking classes for ANOTHER degree at the University of Phoenix at night.”

    BananaStock/BananaStock/Getty Images
    “Unfortunately, two fake degrees cannot combine like Megazord into one real degree.”

    So uh … clearly, that guy doesn’t learn lessons easily.

    The conventional logic is that any degree is better than no degree. But that may not be true with for-profit colleges. A Harvard study found that such students are 22 percent less likely to get a callback from a job than an otherwise-identical resume that named a public university. And it’s even worse with an online degree. Even if these students do find work, high school dropouts tend to earn more than for-profit degreers in the same field.

    1

    For-Profit Colleges Are In Big Trouble

    Albert Herring/Wiki Commons

    Over the last year or so, the hammer has started coming down on for-profit schools. Steve explained: “Obama had been threatening for years to do something about for-profit colleges, but no one believed he would go through with it. In early 2015, it was apparent he was trying to do something, and we got emails everyday. Most were telling us not to worry, but we also had emails that said ‘We’re as strong as ever!’ I worked there for three years, and the only emails they had sent me was pay stub receipts, password expiration reminders, and the odd departmental email … these emails really showed how worried they were.”

    Devonyu/iStock/Getty Images
    They were a step away from emails asking their employees, “Are you a cop? If we ask, you have to tell us if you are.”

    This finally prompted Steve to make a career change of his own. He found another job and gave his resignation to his department head, who “begged me to stay. He didn’t try to flatter me or say how much they needed me or anything you would expect to hear. It was, ‘I know you’re worried about this Obama law (I wasn’t), and we’re worried too, but it will all be OK.’ Everyone was acting like the apocalypse was coming.”

    And what terrifying new law change had everybody soiling their chinos? To quote CNN:

    “The new set of rules, called the gainful employment regulations, require colleges to track their graduates’ debt and employment to prove that their programs don’t fall short of federal guidelines. Institutions now have to provide information on program costs, how much students earn after they graduate and how much debt they could accumulate.”

    Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images
    “We’re moving forward on a new controversial anti-lying law.”

    The new law also set limits on how much the schools could charge for loan payments (no more than 20 percent of a student’s income). Despite how reasonable those restrictions sound, it was essentially the apocalypse for educational conmen. Roughly 1,400 programs serving 840,000 students were estimated to fall below those minimal standards. The University of Phoenix lost half its students. DeVry is currently being sued by the FTC for false advertising.

    Steve was not bummed out at all by this. He still feels some guilt for being involved in the whole thing to start with: “One student I had told me that he knew he was being had. I started to say he wasn’t, but he told me to shut up. He told me he went $25,000 into debt for a degree no one took seriously. He had a family, and I got the sense he was doing this for them … He told me to go fuck myself and proceeded to tell a few other professors too. We never saw him again after that. I’m hoping, really hoping, that the new laws will make degrees for people like him from for-profits actually worth it.”

    Kondor83/iStock/Getty Images
    “Congrats on getting hired! Here’s your desk.”

    We hope so too, for the students’ sake, but we can’t imagine a future in which a prospective employer looks at your resume and says, “Whoa, University of Phoenix, huh? Don’t you think you might be overqualified?” Well, not with a straight face, anyway.

    If you were misled by a for-profit college, please protect other students by letting the authorities know. If you decided to attend a school because of a misleading ad or deceptive recruiting, contact the Federal Trade Commission.

    If you took out a private loan (not including federal student loans) to finance your education, you can also complain to the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.

    If you are a veteran or service member who was deceived by a college, and you used the GI Bill or other VA programs to fund your education, please report it to the Department of Veterans Affairs’ new complaint system. The folks at Veterans Education Success would also like to hear from you, and can connect you with pro-bono attorneys, state and federal law enforcement agencies, and generally advocate on your behalf to the VA.

    Evan V. Symon is an interviewer, writer, and interview-finder guy for the personal experience team at Cracked. Have an awesome experience/job you would like to share? Hit us up at tips@cracked.com today!

    Deep inside us all — behind our political leanings, our moral codes, and our private biases — there is a cause so colossally stupid that we surprise ourselves with how much we care. Whether it’s toilet paper position, fedoras on men, or Oxford commas, we each harbor a preference so powerful we can’t help but proselytize to the world. In this episode of the Cracked podcast, guest host Soren Bowie is joined by Cody Johnston, Michael Swaim, and comedian Annie Lederman to discuss the most trivial things we will argue about until the day we die. Get your tickets here!

    For more insider perspectives, check out 6 Realities Of Cooking Illegal Drugs (Not Seen On TV) and 5 Things Breaking Bad Left Out About Having A Drug Lord Dad.

    Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out If Beer Ads Were Forced To Be Honest, and other videos you won’t see on the site!

    Also, follow us on Facebook, and we’ll be best buddies forever.

    Have a story to share with Cracked? Email us here.

    Source: http://allofbeer.com/i-teach-at-a-for-profit-college-5-ridiculous-realities/

    I Teach At A For-Profit College: 5 Ridiculous Realities

    For-profit colleges, aka colleges that operate for a profit, aka the only schools that buy pop-up ads, are a $30 billion industry, with millions of students nationwide. But much like that guy in high school with the bitchin’ mullet and radical IROC, just because they’re popular doesn’t mean they have the best reputation. We wanted to know how accurate that rep really is, so we sat down with “Stephen,” a former professor at one such college in Ohio. He told us …

    5

    There Is Zero Teaching Experience Required To Be A “Professor”

    andresrimaging/iStock/Getty Images

    Most teachers come equipped with a boxful of degrees, permits, certifications, and other fancy framed papers to confirm they’re trained educators and not, say, urine-soaked knife-wielding hobos. Not so with Steve’s school: “At my campus, I’d say that nine out of every ten professors don’t have an educational background.”

    AndreyPopov/iStock/Getty Images
    “Hey Dave, drop what you’re doing. We need someone for Marketing 401.”

    He was sure to point out that sometimes this led to great teachers, like the former hotel manager who became a professor of Hospitality Management: “He was honest about complaints, nipping lice infestations in the bud, and tons of other terrible things normal HM classes barely cover.” But that’s not a universal truth.

    “Like, they may be an accountant during the day, but they moonlight teaching that at schools like mine … those teachers could be really good … But most had no idea how to teach. I sat in on a class going through economics, and … the ‘professor’s’ laptop gave the blue screen of death. He was a nice guy in his late 20s, and he immediately panicked.” Since the students were paying dearly for that professor’s time, they kept right on asking questions, like “What’s the difference between macro and micro economics?” Steve recalled, “He had a deer in the headlights look and he froze for 15 seconds. Finally, he said ‘Macro is big economies and Micro is individual economies. Like Bill Gates’ economy.’”

    kasto80/iStock/Getty Images
    “Hold on, Wikipedia’s gone down.”

    Those of you who know a little bit about economics might recognize that as complete fucking gibberish. Eventually, Steve and another teacher listening in had to call him out on his bullshit and give the class some proper answers, but, “When we gave the right definitions and answers to everything, he defended his answers as being correct. He was fired the next day.”

    Jonathan Ross/Hemera/Getty Images
    Those who teach, can’t.

    Once he’d started telling shitty teacher stories, Steve couldn’t stop. He told us about an accounting teacher in his 70s who told students “any math you couldn’t do by hand wasn’t worth teaching.” Another particularly enterprising educator gave out a two-week assignment to “have his students do his and his family’s taxes, giving bonus points to the ones who had found the way to have them owe the least.” Steve added, “He lasted three semesters.”

    4

    They Target Poor Minority Students And Con Them Into Taking Loans

    Jacob Ammentorp Lund/iStock/Getty Images

    For-profit colleges promise students who didn’t do well in high school a chance at a real college degree for far less than fancy university prices. And since everyone gets in, your past doesn’t matter. ITT Tech will take any breathing human being who applies. It’s like the Little League of higher education, minus the Capri Sun at the end of every session.

    These colleges sell themselves as a “way out” of poverty and desperation to people who are poor and directionless. Ninety-six percent of ALL for-profit students take out loans, compared to 57 percent of those at normal public college. And while the average college student only has an 8 percent chance of defaulting on their loan in the first few years, for-profit students have a 25 percent chance.

    It should come as no surprise that investigations have shown that many for-profits do in fact target low-income people who can’t pay. These people are often minorities. One investigation turned up the training manual for recruiters at the for-profit college Vatterott, including a list of ideal types of people to recruit:

    Leadership Conference on Human Rights
    – Has To Use Library’s Internet To Fill Out Application
    – Thought They Saw A Ghost One Time
    – Can’t Find Phoenix On A Map

    Steve noticed the same thing at his school: “Most of my students made minimum wage, and over half were black. Every one of my students had a loan, and it’s all they ever talked about. Some felt strong-armed into them, but some wanted them. They lived off of them. They wanted the loans as another source of income because they couldn’t make ends meet with their regular jobs. They took a few classes to keep up appearances, but I would always know why they were really there. Every college has these students, but at my college, I had several in every class I taught. I never knew what happened to them after the semester and they were 20 or 40 grand in debt. Many struggled to make ends meet, and the college offered an easy way to get loans. What did you think was going to happen?”

    AndreyPopov/iStock/Getty Images
    “Thanks for the mortgage payment.”

    For-profit universities vastly prefer loans — and the long-term, interest-bearing income they generate — to straight cash payments. So much so that they often don’t take cash: “One student in particular told me that she had $20,000 from an inheritance in cash, but ran into roadblocks everywhere. My college wouldn’t accept cash, so she tried a check. They told her they couldn’t, since they had too many issues with bounced checks. She then tried paying online in full, but she was told she shouldn’t because ‘What if you decide to drop a class? Would you still want to pay for it?’ She then tried monthly payments, but she was informed she was too late to sign up. She could only take a loan.”

    Digital Vision./DigitalVision/Getty
    It’s usually a red flag when a business won’t let you purchase their one product.

    Schools like the University of Phoenix depend on student loans to survive. In fact, the latter actively instructs their “Phoenixes” to borrow the max amount. And how could that possibly backfire? For-profit universities are one of the major causes of the current student loan debt crisis. So if you’re a New Yorker who had your daily commute fucked up by Occupy Wall Street, you can blame like half of that on the Participation Trophy of colleges.

    3

    They Cost More To Attend Than Conventional Universities

    moodboard/moodboard/Getty Images

    For-profit colleges advertise themselves as much more affordable than traditional universities. According to the ads, a for-profit college is the Costco of higher education: great quality without any unnecessary frills, for the budget-conscious consumer.


    “‘Scholarship?’ It’s just a discount.”

    Why, you save so much money on these programs that it’d be almost insane to get your degree anywhere else.


    “Our scam is cheaper than their scam!”

    Surprise! That’s all crap. These schools are filled with more hidden fees than a bank run by ninjas. Here’s Steve: “A close family member was deciding on a cheap starter college. She was looking at my college and Cincinnati State. Honestly, I just started at my school and I didn’t know what the full cost was. I asked and got a quote for $9,000 a semester … When I gave her the written quote, she looked right back up and said, ‘I could get a degree from Cincinnati State for that much.’ I was floored.”

    Two years at a community college costs, on average, $8,300. Four years at a state college? $52,000. But at a for-profit, that Associate’s Degree is now $35,000. The Bachelors? $63,000. It’s like deciding to eat out at Olive Garden instead of that fancy French restaurant, only to discover that the bread sticks are the price of a used Toyota.

    bhofack2/iStock/Getty Images
    “Considering they are unlimited, you can’t afford not to.”

    Steve explained: “All normal colleges show how much a semester is, or give a price by class. At ours, they made it look cheap by giving price for each credit hour. [Note: They still do.] So many of my students were suckered in this way. They saw the $550 cost per hour … and they assumed that meant $550 per credit.”

    Oops! Silly desperate students seeking to better their lives. You assumed “for-profit college” meant something besides “a shell game in which you gamble your paycheck for decades to come.”

    Michael Blann/DigitalVision/Getty
    As least Vegas gives you drink and food comps when you do it.

    2

    A Degree All But Guarantees You WON’T Get A Job

    rilueda/iStock/Getty Images

    All for-profit colleges essentially promise you your dream job, falling just short of issuing IOUs for personal oral sex bots upon graduation. The word of the day, kids, is “bullshit.” It was revealed last year that the $75,000 three-year criminal justice degree offered by Westwood College comes with a 3.8 percent job placement rate. And most of those “jobs” are as some sort of security guard, aka the job literally any breathing human can get.

    A school like the recently shut down Heald College, or DeVry, can famously claim 90-percent-plus job placement rates, which sounds super impressive … if you don’t know that the FTC is currently suing them for classifying a business major getting hired as a waiter to be an “in-field” placement. Or counting a job at Taco Bell as successful placement. Steve gave a shit about his students and did his best to prepare them for careers as accountants, “but most didn’t become accountants. We had to go off of curriculum, and while many of us got through that as fast as we could with our students to tell them what they really needed to know, we often didn’t have time.”

    Rawpixel Ltd/iStock/Getty Images
    “Welcome to Money Management 101. Lesson 1: You shouldn’t have taken this class.”

    Steve explained how his college practically went out of its way to make their courses useless: “Normal colleges give you a mix of course work, field work, and other assignments, slowly making it more and more real world. Once you get the basics, you learn the programs, you see what employers want, and you expand your knowledge. For-profits are like standardized tests. You get the basics, but almost none of it can be applied once in the real world.”

    Pinkypills/iStock/Getty Images
    “And that about covers the basics of being a barista.”

    The evidence shows that graduates from for-profits make less and are less happy about their prospects than those from larger colleges. This jives with Steve’s experiences: “I’ve met several graduates, and nearly all didn’t get the jobs they wanted. A few thought they were going to be teachers in a few years, and I found them working as subs. One student who said he wanted to run a hotel I met by chance at a hotel in Columbus, where he was only a part-time assistant manager at a Microtel [and] taking classes for ANOTHER degree at the University of Phoenix at night.”

    BananaStock/BananaStock/Getty Images
    “Unfortunately, two fake degrees cannot combine like Megazord into one real degree.”

    So uh … clearly, that guy doesn’t learn lessons easily.

    The conventional logic is that any degree is better than no degree. But that may not be true with for-profit colleges. A Harvard study found that such students are 22 percent less likely to get a callback from a job than an otherwise-identical resume that named a public university. And it’s even worse with an online degree. Even if these students do find work, high school dropouts tend to earn more than for-profit degreers in the same field.

    1

    For-Profit Colleges Are In Big Trouble

    Albert Herring/Wiki Commons

    Over the last year or so, the hammer has started coming down on for-profit schools. Steve explained: “Obama had been threatening for years to do something about for-profit colleges, but no one believed he would go through with it. In early 2015, it was apparent he was trying to do something, and we got emails everyday. Most were telling us not to worry, but we also had emails that said ‘We’re as strong as ever!’ I worked there for three years, and the only emails they had sent me was pay stub receipts, password expiration reminders, and the odd departmental email … these emails really showed how worried they were.”

    Devonyu/iStock/Getty Images
    They were a step away from emails asking their employees, “Are you a cop? If we ask, you have to tell us if you are.”

    This finally prompted Steve to make a career change of his own. He found another job and gave his resignation to his department head, who “begged me to stay. He didn’t try to flatter me or say how much they needed me or anything you would expect to hear. It was, ‘I know you’re worried about this Obama law (I wasn’t), and we’re worried too, but it will all be OK.’ Everyone was acting like the apocalypse was coming.”

    And what terrifying new law change had everybody soiling their chinos? To quote CNN:

    “The new set of rules, called the gainful employment regulations, require colleges to track their graduates’ debt and employment to prove that their programs don’t fall short of federal guidelines. Institutions now have to provide information on program costs, how much students earn after they graduate and how much debt they could accumulate.”

    Alex Wong/Getty Images News/Getty Images
    “We’re moving forward on a new controversial anti-lying law.”

    The new law also set limits on how much the schools could charge for loan payments (no more than 20 percent of a student’s income). Despite how reasonable those restrictions sound, it was essentially the apocalypse for educational conmen. Roughly 1,400 programs serving 840,000 students were estimated to fall below those minimal standards. The University of Phoenix lost half its students. DeVry is currently being sued by the FTC for false advertising.

    Steve was not bummed out at all by this. He still feels some guilt for being involved in the whole thing to start with: “One student I had told me that he knew he was being had. I started to say he wasn’t, but he told me to shut up. He told me he went $25,000 into debt for a degree no one took seriously. He had a family, and I got the sense he was doing this for them … He told me to go fuck myself and proceeded to tell a few other professors too. We never saw him again after that. I’m hoping, really hoping, that the new laws will make degrees for people like him from for-profits actually worth it.”

    Kondor83/iStock/Getty Images
    “Congrats on getting hired! Here’s your desk.”

    We hope so too, for the students’ sake, but we can’t imagine a future in which a prospective employer looks at your resume and says, “Whoa, University of Phoenix, huh? Don’t you think you might be overqualified?” Well, not with a straight face, anyway.

    If you were misled by a for-profit college, please protect other students by letting the authorities know. If you decided to attend a school because of a misleading ad or deceptive recruiting, contact the Federal Trade Commission.

    If you took out a private loan (not including federal student loans) to finance your education, you can also complain to the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau.

    If you are a veteran or service member who was deceived by a college, and you used the GI Bill or other VA programs to fund your education, please report it to the Department of Veterans Affairs’ new complaint system. The folks at Veterans Education Success would also like to hear from you, and can connect you with pro-bono attorneys, state and federal law enforcement agencies, and generally advocate on your behalf to the VA.

    Evan V. Symon is an interviewer, writer, and interview-finder guy for the personal experience team at Cracked. Have an awesome experience/job you would like to share? Hit us up at tips@cracked.com today!

    Deep inside us all — behind our political leanings, our moral codes, and our private biases — there is a cause so colossally stupid that we surprise ourselves with how much we care. Whether it’s toilet paper position, fedoras on men, or Oxford commas, we each harbor a preference so powerful we can’t help but proselytize to the world. In this episode of the Cracked podcast, guest host Soren Bowie is joined by Cody Johnston, Michael Swaim, and comedian Annie Lederman to discuss the most trivial things we will argue about until the day we die. Get your tickets here!

    For more insider perspectives, check out 6 Realities Of Cooking Illegal Drugs (Not Seen On TV) and 5 Things Breaking Bad Left Out About Having A Drug Lord Dad.

    Subscribe to our YouTube channel, and check out If Beer Ads Were Forced To Be Honest, and other videos you won’t see on the site!

    Also, follow us on Facebook, and we’ll be best buddies forever.

    Have a story to share with Cracked? Email us here.

    Source: http://allofbeer.com/i-teach-at-a-for-profit-college-5-ridiculous-realities/

    This Insane New Mixed Drink Is Guaranteed To Give You A Killer Hangover

    The drink is called The Badger, and for the life of me, I can’t imagine how anyone first came up with this wild cocktail creation in the first place.

    Nonetheless, patrons of the Marine Boathouse Bar, located in the English town of Skegness, are currently going crazy for a drink consisting of a Smirnoff Ice base and a Guinness stout top.

    Behold, The Badger.

    Now serving the ‘Badger’ a bottle of Smirnoff Ice, carefully topped up with creamy extra cold Guinness! #youngfarmerspreparation!!!!!!!! March 4th, 5th and 6th at The Marine Boathouse Skegness!

    Posted by Marine Boathouse Skegness onThursday, February 11, 2016


    The cocktail’s namesake is based on the badger’s short legs and vibrant, black-and-white streaks on its face. Makes sense, I guess.

    Marine Boathouse bartender Samantha Bartlett is credited with creating the concoction, and she’s still a bit in awe of how the drink’s popularity went up.

    She reportedlysaid,

    I am totally shocked with the interest and publicity that we have received! The pub trade is something that myself and family are extremely passionate about and we are very proud of our pub in Skeggy! So heres to ‘The Badger’ bottoms up!

    I enjoy a pint of Guinness as much as the next beer head, but I haven’t had a Smirnoff Ice since college, and that wasn’t even by choice. I can only imagine the hangover three of these would produce.

    Try one, or more than one, this weekend — if you dare.

    Source: http://allofbeer.com/this-insane-new-mixed-drink-is-guaranteed-to-give-you-a-killer-hangover/