The 15 Most Idiotic Monsters In Dungeons& Dragons History

Stranger Things has drawn Dungeons& Dragons cool again, even if the picture does take place in an era when playing it intended gambling getting your foreman jostle into a toilet. Back then, repudiating “youre ever” a D& D participate was abortive — bullies could reek it on you. But would the favourite kids have taunted us if they truly understood the rich, expansive nature detailed in D& D handbooks? Yes, they would have, because said handbooks were full of shit like …

15

The Roving Mauler

Wizards of the Coast

What Is It?

A visual approximation of Mufasa infected by The Thing .

Where It Went Wrong:

Besides looks a lot like a microbrew brew mascot created by a decorator who mischievously misread the instructions, the Roving Mauler is little more than a biological indebtednes. Does his head stay still while the rest of his mas travels pinwheeling around the desert? What’s to remained his cervix from clicking? If his head goes spinning around with the rest of his organization, how the hell does he recognize where he’s going with the scope whirling around his field of vision like a kaleidoscope?

And where is his lion dick during all this? We’re acquiring it’s between one of those pairs of legs, so given the options, he’s either going to have a dick-chin-beard, a dick-earring, or a dick-devilock. And that’s just awkward.

14

The Gelatinous Cube

Wizards of the Coast

What Is It?

The Gelatinous Cube is a huge blocking of oozing that prowls through the perfectly square hallways of D& D , relishing anyone foolish enough to walk instantly into it.

Where It Went Wrong:

Unless an meeting plays out exactly like the steamroller incident in Austin Powers , we fail to see how the Gelatinous Cube ever kills anybody who’s not either glued to the storey or fast sleeping. In happening, we’re pretty sure the Dungeon Master’s Guide reads: The first actor to request “Can’t I merely get out of the way? ” automatically demolishes the Gelatinous Cube .

13

The Knell Beetle

Wizards of the Coast

What Is It?

The Knell Beetle is a nine-foot-long flesh-eating bug with a monstrous trumpet on its manager that kind of reaches it look like Snidely Whiplash.

Where It Went Wrong:

Clearly this is an example of miscommunication between the writers and the prowes department.

“We need to form him a bit more peril. Give a huge cornet on its head.”

“Huge horn, got it.”

12

The Senmurv

What Is It?

The Senmurv is a wolf/ eagle hybrid, developed without question by a person who is with a dreamcatcher hanging from the rear-view mirror of their pickup truck. Each successful attempt copes 1d6 of liberty .

Where It Went Wrong:

The Senmurv is what Toby Keith becomes every full moon, and as such, it fails to impress us on any conceivable grade. The only thing more ludicrous than depicting this beast clawing feebly through the sky like a Technicolor ValueJet is guessing it was seeking to stand upright on two hind legs never make for the project. Actually, more ludicrous still is imagining this beast’s idea, which apparently involved a wolf, a giant tropical chick, and agonizing howls from within a gloom of neon feathers.

11

The Demi-Lich

What Is It?

The Demi-Lich is a soul-eating floating skull which bides its experience on a galleon full of preciou waiting for the Goonies to show up.

Where It Went Wrong:

Besides looking like a Pirates Of The Caribbean alarm clock, the Demi-Lich seems to possess no tactical advantages of any kind. It just kind of moves around, “re all waiting on” “states parties ” of heroes to smack-dab it out of the air like a pinata. We believe it could try to burn you, but the illustration above kind of stirs it looks a lot like the jaw is fused in place. Man , now we feel sorry for it.

10

The Brain In A Jar

What Is It?

As its epithet indicates, the Brain in a Jar is a brain in a container. This is a compromise of its original reputation, “Brain in a Gnarly H.R. Giger Phallus.”

Where It Went Wrong:

… It’s a intelligence in a cup. Just kick it over, who’s going to know?

9

The Digester

What Is It?

The Digester is a man-sized character that sprays its digestive juices onto its victims, like Jeff Goldblum in The Fly or the lunch crowd at a Golden Corral.

Where It Went Wrong:

We be acknowledged that spitting battery-acid in someone’s face is pretty harsh. However, the Digester seems to be in hopeless need of a honcho, and one or two limbs. So if that initial explode of bulimic violence starts wide, it’s maybe screwed. Those talons look nasty, but again, with nothing but two hind legs to substantiate it, the thing is going to go toppling over with the first kicking, hilariously mailing gastric acid raining down its own torso.

8

Moon Rats

What Is It?

Moon Rats gain fierce intelligence as the moon becomes full, for reasons that are not adequately explained.

Where It Went Wrong:

Rats that become super smart under the full moon are only helpful as scoundrels on Chip And Dale’s Rescue Rangers . Sure, they may hatch an ingenious plan to overcome the entire city while be standing smoking cigars and drinking scotch, but once the sunbathe comes up, they’re back to devouring nappies out of the garbage. Solidify frame and bun credits.

7

Ash Rats

What Is It?

Ash Rat are rats that are on fire, all the time, for no explicit reason. This somehow establishes them even less dangerous than their aforementioned non-flaming brethren.

Where It Went Wrong:

Walking into a battle while already engulfed in flames applies you at a pretty hefty disadvantage. Realistically, all the heroes have to do is wait a few seconds for the rats to burn down to gristle, or merely knock the damn things out of the way because they’re fucking rats.

6

Grell

What Is It?

The Grell is a moving beaked brain with jellyfish tentacles.

Where It Went Wrong:

So the D& D world certainly uses the whole “floating” thing as a crutch to construct ridiculous-looking demons that would never be able to travel on ground unless they were buckled into a auto seat in the back of a Chevy Malibu. Likewise, while the Grell is undoubtedly suited for the job of frightening nine-year-olds, we don’t feel it would constitute a serious challenge to a seven-foot-tall barbarian warrior that sucks the blood of the collapse. That president has the seem of something he could unfit by poking it really hard with his finger.

5

Atropal

What Is It?

The Atropal is a stillborn god-fetus risen from the dead to embarrass everyone following the conclusion of 2001: A Space Odyssey .

Where It Went Wrong:

Despite possessing superhuman the authority and being metal as fuck , the Atropal is, at its core, still nothing but a dead fetus. Here’s a general rule for undead animals: If the thing wasn’t all types of threat when it was alive , it’s likely not going to be any more of a problem in its slower, decomposing form.

4

Hippocampus

What Is It?

When you were a little kid and somebody mentioned “seahorses, ” this is what you envisioned in your mind.

Where It Went Wrong:

The Hippocampus simply doesn’t seem like it would pose much of security threats. It sort of was like an ancillary attribute from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles , like its call “wouldve been” “MerMare” or “Aquaestiran, ” and it would help the Turtles contact Atlantis before the city goes stolen by Bebop and Rocksteady. That becomes us think this mortal was intended to be one of the good guys, but would something working for such forces of good have that douchey chin whisker?

3

Porcupine Cactus

What Is It?

The Porcupine Cactus explodes whenever something gets near it, blanketing the bordering orbit with a seam of thorns and internal organs. This is gross.

Where It Went Wrong:

Aside from the pointlessly redundant combining( How about an “eel snake” ?), the freaking thing blows up at the first clue of task. Just hide behind a tree and convulse a squirrel at it or something.

2

Anguillian

What Is It?

Anguillians are a multiplied of humanoid eels which live in a patriarchal society under the sea. Judging by the lance and Sarlacc mouth, things down there aren’t quite as whimsical as Sebastian the crab would have us believe.

Where It Went Wrong:

Buddy, you’ve got a mouth strung with millions of razor-sharp teeth and vast terrifying crab claw for handwritings. You do not need to try to jab parties with a sharpened stick.

1

Gelun

What Is It?

The Gelun is a character that has to live in the desert to evade completely freezing into a block of sparkler, sort of like exactly the opposite of Mr. Freeze.

Where it Went Wrong:

Being encased in something that isn’t a monstrous robot clothing actually restraint your duel capability( discover Brain in a Jar, above ). Really, the Gelun’s best hope is that passing cliques of wanderers carve its frost prison into an angel or a swan or something instead of chopping its disclosed head off.

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